A.C.O.R.N. Returns to Register Mail-In Voters

CHEATING AGAIN!

It appears that reports of the death of voter registration organization A.C.O.R.N. have been highly exaggerated.  The non-profit group, once plagued by accusations of inventing voter data has returned just in time for the 2020 election season, with the goal of aiding citizens to sign up to vote by mail-in ballot, potentially adding millions of disenfranchised Americans to the rolls.

Remember Katniss Everdeen’s little sister? Yep, she can vote this year. And Biden is training her with a crossbow.

The association of community organizers was responsible for several avenues of aid relief in the past, ranging from family planning and prosecution of predatory lenders, and included an arm to help register voters during the 2008 election cycle.  It was the latter that perked the interest of the criminal conservative right, leading it to be shut down.  Joe Barron of the Blumpkin Institute For Freedom explains:

“The republicans at that time, fell upon reports that some names collected were fake.  This sort of thing happens all the time in registering voters, and ACORN was in the process of verifying them when they managed to get America’s teabagging throwbacks overexcited, and to no one’s surprise, they fell in line.  The truth is, historically, when more citizens vote, less of them vote Republican.   That’s why now, these same hideously backwards fungal infections known as ‘trumpers’ are against mail-in ballots.  It has nothing to do with any imaginary ‘voter fraud’.   It’s another way to cheat through an election.  Trump can’t win fairly.  ACORN plans to even the odds.”

Whoops. There goes Steven Miller. What an awful freak accident to happen while Hillary has an air-tight alibi.

The news of ACORN’s reemergence caused Fox News personality Sean Hannity to slowly urinate on the set during his hour-long program Monday, and claimed the life of former pundit Glenn Beck, who choked on his own epiglottis while blabbering about a conspiracy involving the group, the “Binderburgs”, agenda 21, George Soros, and the black oil aliens discovered by agent Mulder.  This reappearance just may be a game-changer.

About Fallis Gunnington 143 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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