There’s an old saying that goes : “Sometimes we have to look back to really know the heroes that we missed.” That pearl of wisdom has been attributed to Jehosephat Barron, a fifth century Anglican monk, who was born with his head backwards in such a way that he was always looking behind him.
Today, that missive can be applied to former President Donald Trump. In his post-office retirement from politics, he’s begun to collect quite a few accolades. The latest follows up recognition by Cincinnati’s media with the presentation of the 2020 Buckeye Newshawk Award, as well as the nation of Israel’s gift of the Schmegeggie Medal.
Trump was on hand Monday at the Queef Blaster’s Memorial Hall in New Jersey to receive the coveted Eric Lassard Justice Award from the Police Association of America. The association has championed the nerds from your high school who like to pretend they’re going to be cops someday and know everything about cop cars and cop guns, but ended up working in the Walmart electronics section selling $17 Hank Williams CD’s to senior citizens.
(Note – The job mentioned is vitally important since Hank Williams CD’s and the raw ingredients to create methamphetamine comprise 84% of the Walmart corporation’s profits. The aforementioned association also serves as the Official Police Fan Club for Western Trenton and once sent flowers to Stewart Copeland.)
The Justice Award, named for legendary Police Commandant Eric Lassard, resembles a golden bowl, symbolic of, as per an inscription on the side, “the draining of the bladder of crime into the majestic mouth of justice.” Lassard passed away just last year from complications due to attempting anal sex with a stick of dynamite.
The former President and professional grifter beamed onstage as he humbly accepted the golden recognition of his service to America. Experts believe, however, that it does qualify as an item he may not be able to display in a prison cell.