3 House Democrats Indicted for Bribing Michael Cohen

The Democrats are reeling this afternoon after three of their superstar freshmen were indicted on charges of bribing Michael Cohen for his testimony. According to Special Agent Bluto Larst of the FBI’s Congressional Crimes Division, they weren’t even careful about it:

“These three have a lot of explaining to do. Not only did they transfer more than $30 million in cash into a numbered Swiss Bank Account in his name, they also took him out to Arby’s. Twice.”

As if the $30 million wasn’t enough. The FBI convened a grand jury of their peers from the Fort Worth area, and since none of the three has ever been there, there won’t be a conflict of interest or a bunch of people who have heard the story. The charges are aiding and of bedding a known criminal, bribery of Congressional testimony, Conspiracy to commit treason and misuse of taxpayer funds.

Since the roast beef came from not only a pressed loaf of unidentifiable pressed cow but the Congressional petty cash fund, the taxpayers will get their retribution for Cohen spreading horsey Sauce on their dime.

If convicted, the three could have their assets seized as traitors and spend the rest of their lives in jail. We called their offices and got no answer.

We’ll know what their motives were soon enough, as they are scheduled to appear in court Monday morning at 11, 8 AM Central.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 163 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.